The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize