I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
