I think scott just propositioned me for sex
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
