I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
