idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
