Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize