I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
