Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
