Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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