God, you're like boner-b-gone
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
