I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
