Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
