Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
