She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
