yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
