Everything about him screamed your future.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
