I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
