piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize