She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
