well I can't set my house on fire every night
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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