There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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