She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize