I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
