I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
