dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
