Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
