I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize