Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
