paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
