So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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