There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
