ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
