Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
