Is it penis luge time yet?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize