party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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