There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
