a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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