Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize