I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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