Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
