is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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