She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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