absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
