Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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