And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
