who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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