Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
