so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
