I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
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