I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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