I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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