Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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