I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
tell me about the eggs
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