In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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