i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
and you fell through a lawn chair
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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