All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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