My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
