So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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