You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize