im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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