In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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