At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
