The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
