I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
