I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
