yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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