I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
