Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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