Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
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