he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
