I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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