Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
