I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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