Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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