I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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