It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
