Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
