You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
