Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I did not marry a roomba.
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