I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
