If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
