Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
