Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
