just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Can I color on your dick again?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
