its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
