the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
