her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
