My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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