Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize