butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
