I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
