i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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