There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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