The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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