dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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