I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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