Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
