Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize