you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
