I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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