he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize