What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
