before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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